Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think pants incapable of making pants work
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
