i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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