maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
