Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
