you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
