Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
