Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
