hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
