Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
