i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
