A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
