Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
