I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
