Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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