No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
