I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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