i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
