Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
