I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
