your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
