Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You are the jesus of drinking
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
