i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have tasted many bathrooms
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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