May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
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