when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
