did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
