i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
