Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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