just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
