The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize