i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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