We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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