Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My life is pants optional.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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