my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
