so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize