i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
