just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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