I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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