Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
