It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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