there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
