he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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