I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
