homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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