is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
