she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
