I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
