I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
