You really coming over, don't trick.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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