at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
