We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
