So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
