I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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