I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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