OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
