i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i think im in europe. pls send help
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
