I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize