Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
