New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
should my penis look like a turkey
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
whose parrot is this?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
