oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
