is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
