we have pet lesbian snakes
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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