If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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