You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
