Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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