He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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