Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
