I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Randomize
