I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
