I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
