One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
