So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
