This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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