She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
