the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
