didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
