5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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