some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize