dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
