I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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